land of the crap

I have not been blogging for a while...
Someone onced blurted out that only emo people keep blogs...well that's not true...

Coz this time around, i feel really shitty...i feel really inferior, like i'm not good enough....that;s why i rather not blog stupid things..

I feel that i am assumed like a door post...a door post are just pieces of wood. They can't feel or respond to sadness or anxiety. SOmetimes i wonder what i did wrong to be in this 'door post' mode...to be treated like a doorpost or a wall...

They assume i am a door post...strong and unemotionless...who don't need anyone's support...who can only do things that is required, like play the guitar or be in positions of service and leadership...

at the end of the day, when all is silent...when my guitar lays silently by the wall...when i drive silently with my radio turned off...in the deafening silence...

i am only just a man..

I am not a stupid doorpost...don't treat me like one.


I feel helpless and far away from the God I need.